He’s just not that into you… if he’s breaking up with you

“I don’t want to be with you” means just that

IF he’s not calling you to tell you he hired a U-Haul to come pick up all your stuff and move it back into his house, then consider yourself a nice, downy little pillow cushioning him from his feelings of loneliness and loss that he’s not fully ready to deal with on his own.

EXCUSES WE USE TO CONVINCE OURSELVES OTHERWISE:

1. But he misses me

DEAR ABBY,

We broke up, we still talk. However, my friends think we should stop talking. I don’t know. I think he misses me. Maybe if I change and keep contact, he’ll realize this, miss me enough, and ask me to be with him again.

What ? He misses you ? Ladies, this is probably true. But that is all it is. He misses you. He should. You’re very missable. However, he is the same person that broke up with you. He is choosing to miss you and choosing to not be with you.
However, pay attention. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. He may miss you bu he’s really not that into you.

2. We broke up but we’re still.. kind of dating? So he must care about me.

DEAR ABBY,

I was seeing a guy, but he broke up with me. I understood. He said we can still be friends. Awesome. Now and then we hang out and go out and act just like we did before. He’s really cute and I love being around him. I also think he must like me if he can’t stop being around me. &I think it’s kinda cool we’re dating without the pressure. I decided it’s fine and I’m not going to call to his attention that we’re actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.

Oh man. Okay, first of all, for the record, this is what happens when a guy likes you enough to want to see you all the time: They don’t break up with you.
I know it’s very tempting when you want to be with someone, and you’ll settle for a much, much less relationship than you would have ever imagined. But STOP.

Look, it’s very simple. Either he realizes he lost you and made the biggest mistake of his life.. or he doesn’t. EITHER WAY, the only thing you need to do is to move on and fast. He can chase you.
This is what a guy sounds like when he wants you back.
1. Let’s get back together.
2. Let’s go into counseling.
3. Let’s try again.
4. I miss you. I made a mistake. I want to be with you.

This is what it won’t sound like.
1. Will you walk my dog?
2. Just calling to check in.
3. Want to see that movies?
4. Will you go to xxxx with me?

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

Because we’re still in love. &we think, we hope.. and we wonder, is it so bad to wait around for a little bit and look for a glimmer, a ray, a sign of hope that perhaps he is having second thoughts. Maybe he came to his senses and realizes no one will ever be like you, that you two connect on some level that no one else will possibly be able to connect with on such a deep and profound level, and no one will ever understand him lke you.
Is it so wrong to continue to talk to him, see him, bake him cookies, buy him presents, call up his friends…
Yeah let’s stop there.
What you want to know is.. is it so bad to handle a breakup in a classy, mature, loving manner, when you keep in contact and talk and remain friendly?
There’s just one thing. Unless it is purely platonic, then remember what a break up is. A BREAK. A clean, nice break. Sweet freedom.

Don’t try to convince yourself that it is anything but a breakup. Call a friend. Cry. Stay in bed and wail. Sleep too much. See your therapist. Cry more. Do whatever you can do to move on.

100% of men polled said that when they broke up with someone, it always meant they didn’t want to go out with them anymore.

This. is. false.

Some men prefer to speak in person, or don’t really like using the phone as much as other forms of communication. But, men know how to answer and return calls.

Think about it. You say your man is TOO busy to call? Too busy to call and say, “Hey baby I’m too busy to talk but I promise I’ll get back to you when I’m not, probably tonight or tomorrow. I love you. Bye” That takes about 1 minute provided that the girl understands this and says, “Hello? Okay, I love you. Be safe/work hard/don’t stress out. Bye.”
Please. Most of us stand in front of the vending machine and try to pick between m&m flavors longer then that.

Look, men who are constantly busy and working LIKE to take minute moment breaks to be happy. &if he was into you, guess what? You’re a bright spot in his day! Hearing your voice should be enough to relax him slightly, especially if he’s having a stressful and busy day. This would be one of those days he would NEVER be too busy to call, because he honestly wants to be happy for a few moments.

FIVE BULLSHIT EXCUSES MEN GIVE ABOUT CALLING

, when it really just mean that they just aren’t into you.

1. But he’s been traveling a lot!

Look, when a man is really into you, he wants to spend time with you. &if you see him less then once a week, you can bet he’ll want to talk to you every other day or so, especially when he can’t physically see you. Hell, a guy who REALLY REALLY loves you will probably call you EVERY DAY.
With the new and improved internet, there are a million ways to reach others for pennies. Are you worth that 5 dollars he will spend to use skype and call your cell and just say hello, i’m safe, good night? He WANTS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE if he loves you. Think about it. Your voice should make him smile, ESPECIALLY if he’s in a foreign place with strange languages and people everywhere.

2. But he’s got a lot on his mind.

Yes, honey, and shouldn’t you be one of them? This excuse is NOT OKAY when he “forgets” to call you.. say, to tell you he can’t make it to your pre-planned date because he and the boys decided to play a game of football. Any event scheduled beforehand. If he has a lot on his mind and he calls you half an hour later then you were expecting, then it’s understandable. But NEVER think that this excuse is okay (with the exception of real emergencies. Like 911 omfg I/someone I love is going to die).

3. He never calls on time (like weeks later).

Yes, people constantly say things they don’t mean or forget. So if he doesn’t call when he promised? Well, you should be with a guy who MEANS what he says to you.

4. Maybe he just hates the phone and I love it. We’re different.

Okay, space is good in a relationship. Actually, it’s crucial. However, even if he hates talking on the phone, if YOU love it, he should compromise a little, if only to make you happy. You love chatting for hours everyday, he grunts monosyllables only when his ferrari dealer calls. Example of a compromise? He’ll answer the phone when you call, especially if you two see each other less than once a week. You, however, will limit your convo’s to 15 minutes (or whatever you two agree on).

5. But he’s a very important person (and has no time for me).

I don’t think I really even NEED to say much on this, but here’s a pretend letter that some of you might be thinking about writing to me.

Dear Sophii,
You’re retardedddd. I am dating this super important director that makes tons of money and is really hot! He is never available, because he’s super busy, and sometimes has no reception for hours! But, I put up with it because I know he’s just doing it for me. Why do you make us all sound like needy little clingers?

Men are never too busy to call, especially if it’s calling to get what they want (except bootycalls. He’s not into you, he’s into the service you provide his dick).

BEING TOO BUSY IS A LOAD OF CRAP.

He might be too busy to go over to your place and watch a 2 hour movie with an hour of cuddling and sex time. But he will NEVER be too busy to call and say, “I’m going to be home late,” “I’m busy RIGHT NOW but I will call you -within a reasonable amount of time.. say, 2 days?-”

How to know if a guy is into you…
1. You won’t stare at your phone praying he’ll call.
2. You won’t check your messages constantly hoping he texted.
3. You won’t hate yourself for calling him when your gut feeling is screaming no.
4. You WILL be treated as respectfully as any customer is treated.

Think about it. If the rapist/murderer is allowed a phone call once a day to his lawyer, why aren’t YOU given the same right with the man who “loves” you?

rejection lines are what girls SAY, and what it ACTUALLY means.

 

1. I think of you as a brother.

Okay, this is the worst one. But it’s the one guys actually realize is a rejection line. I hope. If you don’t know this by now, it should all make sense. All.. make.. sense.
There is pretty much nothing you can do here. Well, you could go on some insane routine like… p90x.. or Insanity… clear up that skin of yours, go get a haircut that costs more than 10 dollars, chew some gum, spray A LITTLE cologne (for goodness sake not too much), buy some clothes that actually fit you (I’ll go more into detail with this later). It’s pretty shallow, but that’s usually why women say this. They also know you’re a wonderful person… you’re just .. like a brother.

2. Our ages are slightly different.

You’re way too old or way too young.

3. I don’t think we really share any common interests, huh ?

This means you bore the shit out of me. Or, you’re so crazy and insane (or calm and tame and boring) that I’m simply not interested.

4. I’m not attracted to you that way.

I’m not at all sexually attracted to you because I don’t think you’re hot, and my friends would die laughing if I did you. If this is the case, improve yourself as stated in #1 and you might have a chance.

On the event that this refers to your personality… well you better grow up and get your shit together.

5. My life is too complicated, sorry.

My life is already shitty/busy enough without having to deal with all the joys of dating someone as unreliable and time-consuming as you. I probably don’t trust you very much, and you’ve probably done something / are doing something that just re-enforces my belief of you.

6. I just don’t want to start a relationship right now.

Being single rules. No rules, no curfews, no jealous boyfriends to strangle me and tie me down. Girl’s night, every night! &plus, I’m a chick. I don’t need a relationship to get laid. There is no benefit for me to be with you.. for now. But I might string you along if I’m nasty.

7. I think you should see other people.

You’re clingy as fuck and/or inexperienced and have no idea what women really care about /want. This depends on the girl. But mostly, she’s not as into you as you are into her.. and you’re bordering on octopus / tick status.

8. I have a boyfriend. (I’m married).

I have a boyfriend. I’m married.

Or, you’re really fucking creepy and I would never date you and you just don’t get it. But most guys aren’t like this.

9. I don’t believe in dating coworkers.

I would never date you even if we were on different planets. But I’m going to let you down by saying this even though the moment that hot new guy even smiles at me I will turn into one of those “is he into me” gossips. &you’ll probably hear about it. Sorry.

Or, I will lose my six digit job and you’re not worth it, obviously.

10. It’s not you, it’s me.

I’m too complicated for you to possibly understand and/or I met this other guy and/or you’re horrible and I want to get out of here as soon as possible. It’s you and it’s not me, but you might get psycho if I said that.

11. I’m focusing on my career.

You’re not up to par with my career and work expectations. You make less then me, you’re nowhere as motivated, and you’re a loser in my eyes.

12. I’m celibate.

I don’t believe in sex. Or, I don’t believe in sex with you. It’s 50/50. But in today’s day&age, it’s probably 25/75, not in your favor. Unless she’s a nun. Don’t believe those pornos, kiddos, nuns are actually celibate.

13. Let’s be friends.

Look, you’re cool but I’m not attracted to you .. until… (see #1). Or you have some habit/personality quirk that I am completely not attracted to and until you change that I’ll never see you.
Men always tend to think they got “friend-zoned.” No, it’s not that you got put into the dreaded friend zone after being friends with her for too long… that’s not why you got friend zoned.

You got friend zoned because she had time to figure out everything that is wrong with you, not because you were her friend for “too long”.

I think I’ll do an article on that later.

We were appalled, shocked, horrified. We never considered this. But, we thought, there’s no way you, who doesn’t even know the guy, could possibly understand my unique, very busy, complicated potential future boyfriend. We all have excuses for these men.

All these years I’ve been complaining about men and their mixed messages, and now I saw they weren’t mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed up. Because these men had simply not been that into me.
Dear lovely ladies,

Does that sound like something you could have said yourself? Men, do you ever hear your lady-friends say such things? If so, immediately go get :

“He’s Just Not that into You” by greg behrendt & liz tuccillo.

&if the answer to the question is no, good job! Glad you figured it out on your own.

It is a very funny and cute book to read.. but most importantly, most of this book is true.

I bought it for 84 cents and it was one of my better investments.
In case the economy is getting to you, though, I will begin by summarizing part of the book so you can start getting advice RIGHT AWAY.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out

because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

The whole “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” excuse is a racket. Here’s the truth. Guys don’t  mind messing up a friendship if he really likes you, because part of really being into someone is wanting to go past a friendship. Sex definitely “could” mess up a friendship. This excuse is never used by someone who actually means it. If he’s friends with someone and is attracted to them, he’ll want to take it further. &please don’t try to convince yourself he’s scared. The only thing he’s scared of – and we say this with as much love as possible – is how not attracted he is to you.

The following SIX excuses are pure bullshit. They are as follows:

1. Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.

>Really ? See above.

2. Maybe he’s intimidated by me.

Yes, countless men complain that if a girl is too pretty, he’s intimidated by her or feels he has no chance.

Now, tell me, do you REALLY want to date such a ball-less, insecure guy? No. Of course not. If a guy is really awed and wowed by a girl’s appearance so much that he won’t approach her, he sucks. &that sounds a little shallow. If he already knows you and thinks you’re so wonderful and awesome, he probably ALSO knows whether or not you are single, and if he really liked you, he’d go after what he wants. That’s how men are. &if he’s too much of a pussy, don’t date him. He’s probably a self-proclaimed “nice guy.” &those creatures are evil and you must stay away from them. There will be posts on this.

3. Maybe he wants to take it slow.

If a guy truly liked you but for personal needs and reasons really did want to take it slow, he will let you know immediately. He will NOT keep you guessing, because he wants to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.

4. But he gave me his number.

DON’T LET HIM TRICK YOU INTO ASKING HIM OUT. When men want you, they will do the work. This sounds old school ? No, it’s a golden rule. Men will ask out women they like.

5. Maybe he forgot to remember me.

If he has your number and wants to call you, he will. If he likes you, he will still remember you after a flood, tsunami, or USC/UCLA loss. If he doesn’t, he’s not worth your time. Know why? You’re amazing and awesome. Drop that sucker.

6. Maybe I don’t want to play games.

Does this sound like you ?

Dear Idiot-person-who-wrote-this-stuff,

YOU ARE DUMB. I am a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN *roar*. I call guys all the time because fuck these double standards! I don’t want to play silly games. I call guys tons of times. Why do you think we can’t ?

=strong independent woman

Dear SIW,

Guys who like it are full of themselves or lazy. DO you want to be with those types of guys? Look, I’m not saying we should go back to Victorian times. But guys chase girls. You should be more realistic about how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drives men. Or maybe you’re the chosen one.

love,

us

We know that women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, raising wonderful children.. sometimes all at once! But it’s simple.

It’s an infuriating concept, that men like to chase and you have to let them do so. It even seems unfair. But look. If you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you.

You may be wondering, what? The guys get to pick? Why don’t we just wear little dresses and do our hair and bait our eyelashes? HOPE they choose us. Fuck, why don’t we just lace up corsets a little too tight and faint in front of his carriage. Hopefully he’ll scoop us out of the way.

Look, women don’t like to do nothing. I know. We like to scheme.

But seriously. Remember this. Don’t scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask you out. You’re fantastic.